I am a Mom

I am a mom. I am a 35 year old mom who has two beautiful children. My daughter, who just turned 10, and my son, who will be seven in a week, are my pride and joy. I am not a mom who has experienced a perfect birth. Maybe because my children are stubborn! I am a mom who had to have an emergency C-Section after my beautiful, yet stubborn, son decided he wasn’t coming out and got his arm stuck.

I am a mom who has to answer “4 pregnancies and 3 births,” when asked the frequent question at the doctor’s, “How many pregnancies and how many of those were births?” I am a mom who felt so foolish after sharing with the world the joy of the new life growing inside me at 5 weeks, only to discover 5 weeks later that that sweet life was no longer growing. I am a mom who lived in fear after getting pregnant three months later and struggled with making a connection with that baby (my son) for fear of losing him too. So I became a mom who held in my secret so I wouldn’t look foolish again to the world. However, at 8 weeks I had complications and had to share my news after a trip to the hospital. I decided I couldn’t be a mom who did this on my own. I am a mom who rejoiced when I found out I was growing a sweet little boy around the time of my due date for the child I lost. And again when that boy came into the world almost a year after our second baby was gone.

I am a working mom who balances a job I love, teaching and molding young minds, and being a mom to my vivacious children. I am a mom who has often felt guilty for not being able to stay at home with my children. But I am a mom who takes pride in being able to help provide for them.

I am a mom who wishes I was a better housewife. I am messy, unorganized, and many times unmotivated. But as a mom, I want to be my best so I can teach my children how to take care of their families someday. So I press on and keep pushing myself to become a better mom. For them. For my husband. For those around me.

I am a mom who loves God fiercely and believes that Jesus is the only way to true peace. Not just because that’s my “religion” or how I grew up, but because it’s my life. It’s the air I breathe. It’s the only way I know how to face tomorrow.

I am a mom who has been broken. Who has been through a season of storms and depression. Who prayed and pleaded with God to rescue me out of that state so I could be a mom to my children. Who forced myself out of bed so I could take care of my children when all I wanted to do was drown in my depression and brokenness.

I am a mom to two pastor’s kids. I live in a glass house with my best friend and partner in ministry and our two children. Many times I feel as though my parenting is on display for all to see and I can almost hear their whispers of disapproval. Yet, I choose to wake up in this glass house every morning and love people and love Jesus. Not because it’s my “religion” but because it is my calling and I want my children to see the love of Jesus in all that I do and say. Love is the key to unlock the doors of hate and distrust.

I am a mom who, at the age of 35, is growing a new life again. After 7 years of being mom to two, in 5 months, I will be mom to three. I am a mom who, even though it has been 8 years since I lost my second child, is scared to allow myself to connect to this child. I am a mom who decided 5 weeks in to once again share my joy with the world because my choices were either live in fear and never connect with this sweet child of mine, or allow others to share in my joy and celebrate this new life no matter how long or short it would be. When I was having complications early on in my third pregnancy with my sweet little boy, I remember praying and telling God, if this is part of my story, then help me rejoice in it. So I had to choose to live by those words this time. After 18 weeks, I am still terrified but I am overjoyed by this new life growing inside me, making me feel miserable at times, and feeling those little kicks as reminders that he/she is still there.

For better or worse, I am a mom. Through good times and bad, I am a mom. On the mountains and in the valleys, I am a mom. Everyday I persevere and look to the One from where my help comes. And everyday I look into the eyes of my blessings and count myself lucky that I get to be their mom.

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